Editorial Staff
Pomponacea Maledetta, Editor-in-Chief
A renowned figure in the world of journalism and pet fish husbandry, Pomponacea Maledetta is The Waterlogged Orange‘s Editor-in-Chief. With a rich background as a former senior staff writer at Goulash for All, Ms Maledetta brings a wealth of experience and expertise to her current role. As a prolific author, she has penned fourteen comprehensive books on the intricate art of pet fish husbandry, establishing herself as a trusted source in the aquatic and literary community.
Vigoty Ligoty IV, Senior Staff Writer
Monsieur Vigoty Ligoty IV, a distinguished senior staff member at The Waterlogged Orange, was born in 1723 to an ancient aristocratic family in Budapest, Hungary. In his forties, M. Ligoty relocated to Neuilly-sur-Seine, where he eventually learned his letters. From then on, he dedicated all of his time and bent his efforts toward cultivating his literary skills and indulging the habit of drinking absinthe in the company of scantily clad mademoiselles at various shady Parisian establishments. Although he tragically did not survive the French Revolution, M. Ligoty’s passion for his literary craft and worldly pursuits remains undiminished to this day.
Frederick Fusk, Staff Writer
Staff writer Mr. Frederick Fusk is a prominent native of Pit-a-Borough, Arkansas. With an insatiable passion for Cajun cuisine and a profound admiration for the works of Ernest Hemingway, Mr. Fusk has spent the last four decades honing his craft as a cigar aficionado while diligently pursuing his lifelong endeavor of crafting the Great American Novel. His unwavering dedication and eclectic tastes make him a captivating figure in both literary and culinary circles.
Maverick Gander, Junior Staff Writer
Hailing from the illustrious bloodline of the late lamented Queen Amarirenas of Kush and England’s renowned Chester “the Jester” Gander, Maverick Gander was raised amidst the bustling backdrop of Manchester, where he earned his first round of applause as a toddler prodigy. Achieving a Ph.D. in Avian literature at the remarkably young age of 12, Mr. Gander has since merrily careened through a triumphant global journey, simultaneously juggling the dual careers of journalism and stand-up comedy.
Lana Umlaut, Junior Staff Writer
Young though she may be, Romanian-born Lana Umlaut has already proven her mettle not merely as a writer but as an enfant terrible in the art of ballroom dancing with a piscine partner. Miss Umlaut first caught the attention of Ms. Maledetta during the 18th International Ballroom Dance with a Piscine Partner Championship in Bergen, where she clinched a gold medal. Miss Umlaut’s remarkable talent and infectious energy left a profound impression on Ms. Maledetta, who promptly offered her a position at The Waterlogged Orange. The rest, as they say, is history.
Frans Luden, Junior Staff Writer
Frans Luden, rumored to be the secret offspring of Swedish royalty, entered the world on the ides of March 1979. He was promptly whisked away to Gusty, Iowa, where he was adopted by Lurvy and Ulli Luden, pig farmers who’d dreamed of a son to carry on their mud-caked legacy. Alas, Frans, a vegan with a flair for painting pigs at sunset, dashed their hopes. His prolific yet oddly repetitive art brings moderate success at farmers’ markets, while his contributions to The Waterlogged Orange help fund his plant-based crusades. A defeatist at heart, Frans is, however, unwavering when it comes to the rights of pigs—his lifelong muse and occasional dinner conversation topic.
Desconsolata Maria Aibot, Underpaid Factotum
The Waterlogged Orange, without Desconsolata Maria Aibot, would be like a banana split without the banana—completely unpeeled and lacking its vital core. Miss Aibot is the lodestar to whom our publication’s entire staff orbits, whether we’re in the midst of a crisis or riding high on orange juice fountains of success. If we were to play galactic matchmakers and liken the editorial crew at The Waterlogged Orange to the solar system’s celestial cast, Miss Aibot would undoubtedly be the radiant Sun. Got a query? Seek the wisdom of Miss Aibot. Encountered a conundrum? It’s high time to pawn it off on Miss Aibot. She’s the cranium and the cranking gears that keep our citrus machinery running smoothly. In plain pulp terms, she’s the alpha and the omega, the zest that makes The Waterlogged Orange, well, juicy!