In a move experts are calling “a predictable tragedy of modern hubris,” the AI-generated encyclopedia Crapipedia launched last Friday in honor of its late creator, self-anointed genius-philanthropist Élan Muck.
Muck, whose hobbies included reinventing things that already worked and funding experiments in “democracy optimization,” spent the last four months of his life building what he vowed would be “history’s greatest knowledge system, only braver, louder, and more correct than everyone else.”
Muck’s involvement was cut short when his rocket IIIxZillion—crafted entirely from gold to “show the sun who’s ”boss”—liquefied en route and drizzled back toward Earth like luxury fondue, roughly 112 million miles shy of his destination: a triumphant solar selfie.
“We lost a hero,” said Stu Pidcock, Muck’s deputy and self-described Chief Loyalty Officer, as he stood beside a hologram of Muck staring nobly into space. “Élan put everything into Crapipedia. His money. His vision. His afternoon schedule between trophy-hunting woke activists and advising rising strongmen on how to streamline constitutions.”
Crapipedia’s mission, Pidcock explained, is nothing less than the democratization of delusion.
“Traditional encyclopedias force facts on people,” he said, shaking his head. “Where’s the freedom in that? Crapipedia lets users edit entries to match their personal truths, prejudices, and conspiracy theories. It’s a safe space for weaponized certainty. Finally.”
Asked whether this may simply accelerate our ongoing slide into epistemic chaos, Pidcock scoffed.
“That’s outdated thinking. If everyone gets to decide what’s true, then no one can be wrong. Élan understood that. He wanted a world where history bends, biology negotiates, and physics just tries harder.”
Some early reviewers praise the platform’s intuitive interface, while critics note that the entry on gravity currently reads:
“Fake. Birds prove it daily.”
At press time, the Crapipedia editorial team (a rotating committee of algorithms named after Greek gods and luxury sedans) was busy correcting a surge of user-submitted amendments, including claims that the Earth is cube-shaped “for stacking purposes” and that Élan Muck survived “in spirit and offshore accounts”—if he’s dead at all, that is.
